Three hundred years ago a prisoner condemned to the Tower of London carved on the wall of his cell this sentiment to keep up his spirits during his long imprisonment:
"It is not adversity that kills, but the impatience with which we bear adversity."
- James Keller
My comfortable house is hardly the Tower of London (unless we've totally slacked off on our house cleaning) and "adversity" is a bit strong a word for my recuperation. But why my heart goes out to that long ago poor soul and his long imprisonment is the word "impatience."
When I looked at the calendar today and realized that it is just two weeks today since I came home from my surgery in St. Louis, I let out a very unladylike howl. It seems more like two months! I should be grateful that I'm in the wonderful shape I'm in at this point in the recuperation. Instead I'm so impatient with the lack of appetite, the uneasiness of my digestive system, the odd soreness and aches that come and go, and the weakness in my legs which keeps me chained to the walker. Mostly it's my need to rest and sleep that frustrates me the most. My friend Mary visited me today - I was up and on my feet for about 3 hours. Afterward I had to immediately hit the bed and sleep for two hours! (Please don't chide me about this - I know my body is telling me it needs the rest and I know I have to do it.)
Pre-surgery, I thought I would enjoy this break from my busy life - I would lie around reading books and eating bon-bons for a few months. Instead I find myself getting worked up and impatient about my long list of post-surgery responsibilities: create new work; clean out and re-open my Etsy shops and list only the very best; re-vamp my blog and make it more interesting than it is at the moment; finally get to that family tree and generations album that has been waiting for me for a long time. And, oh yeah, I want to read a few of those books.
I just can't seem to calm down and let it all happen on its own time. Any suggestions? Do I need to take up meditation? How can I find some peace of mind?